Gestation Frustration Too

 Pregnant women sunbathing

One of Mr G’s lovely cousins is getting married this Summer and I cannot wait. At a recent family gathering,  as we talked about dresses and themes, she reminded me of the excitement and the irks of  life-changing events..

The dress, the flowers, the cake- hurrah! The guest list, the errands, the cost -boo! Something switches in us when it comes to organising key events in our lives, although there is the elation, often things that weren’t necessarily a concern are brought right to the fore-front, sometimes inciting major irritation. It’s almost like a chemical imbalance takes over, little things that may not have bothered you before, are suddenly rearing their ugly heads- and always at the most inconvenient time. It happens with weddings,  however I’m discovering it happens during pregnancy too. Don’t get me wrong, I really am enjoying it now, but in my last ode to ‘gestation frustration’  -my personal ‘Moanday musings’- these are the things that have irked me the most!

1. Creme de la control:


Does it work? Who knows! I’ll definitely be doing a proper blog on it once the hormones stop raging| Still off cake and cookies, despite trying them at every opportunity |


Pregnancy equals NO control  over your body! It’s super unnerving!

With Hyperemesis came a great responsibility to share about it, and help women to understand that sometimes it just happens.  For me, it also came with with great sympathy.. no cooking or cleaning for months and best of all.. ‘remedies’ to sort out that dry early pregnancy skin (thanks mum!!!)

Queue delivery of one of the most coveted products of all time.. Creme de la mer.

Does it work? I have no frickin’ idea!!!  With the hormones doing their own thing its impossible to tell and that’s frustrating! Bought to combat pregnancy melanoma, which can make affected skin unbearably sensitive, the  spots have cleared up (result)  but my skin still goes from patchy/dry, to looking like a  oil slick happened on my face; so until Baby G arrives, there is literally nothing I can do. Gah!

It’s the same with food. My advent calendar lays with only the first window open, whilst cakes, cookies and sweet treats have all been replaced with crisps, bread and cheese. I love olives but have I been able to eat any in the last few months? No!! I hate that even though the sickness has stopped, certain foods just don’t taste the same, old favourites aren’t appealing or even the thought of them brings on mild nausea.. It’s a real pain in the.. moving on..

2. Baby Bump BMI’s:


My friend thinks I have kept my shape? Holiday, Honeymoon  and early bump (12 weeks) .. yep definitely kept my shape.. I sound a bit like the Grinch right now.. maybe that’s how she’s always seen me…

This little addition was going sit on the back-burner but after somebody asked me where I was ‘hiding the baby’ for the millionth time- It’s staying in:

Months before I knew I was with child, I saw this exchange on Facebook:
Mum to be A: Looking good!
 Mum to be B: Thanks babe, not long to go, can’t wait for the little one to get here.
 Mum to be A: Is your profile picture the latest pic of you? If it is I’m much bigger than you.
Mum to be A: I don’t think so babe, I’m pretty big, I’m literally about to explode.
It was so bizarre to me, I burst out laughing. In a world where diets are rife, it was the first time I’d ever seen two women (who weren’t being coaxed by feeders) compete about who was the biggest. To be fair as the thread went on, it was obvious that Mum to be B, was a little ‘cuckoo’, and was insanely obsessed with being bigger.
I had forgotten all about that exchange, until I’d experienced my own ‘sizing up’ first hand.
‘Oh you’re 20 weeks?’ I was soooo much bigger than you at 20 weeks, are you sure everything is okay with the baby?’
My deeply profound thought repsonse at the time: ‘AND????’
We were guests in another persons house, so didn’t want to offend the hosts friend. The Angel in me, smiled, nodded – completely caught off guard so I negated to reel of at speed that I’d been a size 8-10 (US 4-6) for many years, had hardly eaten in the first trimester, was off most sweet things (my previous weakness), I’m still off a lot of foods, but have been eating (healthily-ish) and was still exercising regularly, oh and have just started pregnancy yoga, so I’m hardly going to be gigantic
The devil in me wanted to point out that she’d had her last baby years  ago.. so why does it look like we’re still competing for the larger bump? (Yeah.. I went there..) Well in my head!

I know my friend won’t mind sharing her  message above because I asked her, and I know it was meant well.. however,  most of the most unhelpful comments come from complete strangers – Why are they always the most offending?

 So my friend thinks I have ‘kept my shape’? Is she kidding? Only a naked before and after pic will jolly well prove I have done nothing of the sort, and I still have 3 month to go. Queue, maternity shoot pictures.. but not just yet!  Right now it feels like the baby is hiding in my butt and thighs.. cos that’s where all the extra bread and cheese is going!
Neat. Compact. Cute. All words used over the last few months to describe baby bump Gray.
Do I mind?- NOT AT ALL. It’s true. It’s only when people try to equate it with health, or lack thereof I have a problem.When has size ever equated to health? The BMI of athletes and Olympians tell us it sometimes doesn’t even relate to fitness!
‘Tis the very reason I cannot stand Megan Trainors ‘All about that bass’. Instead of celebrating bodies of all shapes and sizes, Megan just HAD to get in a dig about ‘skinny bitches’. Why can’t we just appreciate that we are all different, with different shapes and sizes, that all of them can be beautiful- even in pregnancy!

A wise friend of mine (love you Moira) pointed out that many a time, the bump is fluid, a colleague (ironically carrying twins) reassured  me: ‘Many ‘five pounders’ are born to women who looked like they were carrying triplets.. plus you DO know where it’s coming out from… don’t you?’ Point taken.

For the record, to Mr G’s amusement, our sonographer asked me if I had been taking steroids,  Baby girl Gray was measuring a lot bigger than average at just over 12 weeks – Steroids? Erm.. take the ‘hench-tinted’ goggles off and tell me if I honestly look like someone doing steroids??!

I’m over it, rant (almost) over.  I would say I’ll take skinny jeans over stretchmarks and stitches ANY day of the week, but 1)I don’t wear jeans and 2) in this funny game of having babies, there’s not even any guarantee that the smaller you are, the more likely you are to have an easier birth, or not have any stretch marks! Oy Vay!

 I can happily report at today’s appointment*.. surprise surprise.. we found out Baby G is measuring exactly on target! Not under- not over! Bang on point! – Good job girlie, and good job I didn’t listen to the scare-mongerers!

Which just leaves me wondering…  will those who are obsessed with baby bump BMI’s be boasting about how big they are post-partum. A large part of me (excuse the pun) thinks not!


3.  ‘Pram snobbery’ exists:


Kim K-W in a down to earth moment rocking a Mamas and Papas buggy! | Gazelle type goals | Jesus features

Jesus features

If only miracles extended to men carrying some of the unwanted frustrations..

I loathe buggies and prams, but once again, before I ever had need for one, I had this conversation with a friend,  weeks before her own baby entered the world:

Friend:  (Yada, yada,yada conversations about the name chosen for the baby..) and just wait until you experience ‘pram snobbery’…

Me: Pram what?

Friend: Pram snobbery!

Me: Really? That’s a thing?

Friend: Yes, it’s when you’re judged on which pram you buy..

Me: .. but I’ve never judged anyone I know by their pram or buggy, to me they’re just prams.. hideous, medieval contraptions that people think are okay to take on escalators. They get in my way when shopping and have run over my feet too many times to count but they’re all monstrous!

Friend: Trust me, you will judge and be judged! I really wanted the ____ but decided not to be silly,  so bought the ___ for Baby X, it’s the next best thing.  Just don’t ever buy a ‘Pushchair X’

Me: ‘Pushchair X is bad??’  -I don’t know anything about their pushchairs, but why? They’re a well known brand! Isn’t their technology world-reknowned, haven’t they won countless awards for mechanical ingenuity?

Friend: Yes- but only chavs buy them.

A totally unnecessary first-world problem..

The irony that one model of a ‘preferred’ buggy is named after a domestic ass must clearly be lost on the buyers, but each to their own. My friend, and indeed my entire circle of friends is made up of some of the least judgmental people I know, so although I’ve had some interesting conversations with acquaintances and colleagues I doubt I’ll experience this to it’s full extent. It still annoys me that it happens!

Oh baby G, you’re not even here. You will be judged on whether I choose to breast/ bottle feed you, you will be judged on your size, you will be judged on MY actions, and now, before they look at your little face, coo and pinch your cheeks- they will judge you on your mode of transportation!

Working in South-West London, Mr G has become very aware of it. He used to look panicked when relaying discussions with customers/clients that equated buying certain pram/pushchair models to neglect or abuse.

 Queue the delivery of a reality check: ‘As long as it doesn’t spontaneously combust or collapse in on her, or magically come alive and swallow her whole.. I somehow think we’ll be fine…’

I have only been buggy shopping once, it was overwhelming. I left empty handed.

Maybe, just maybe Baby G, will possess the skills, like a new born gazelle, to walk from birth, maybe she’ll pop out, give me a high-five, wipe that goop off and strut down to the car herself..

Her daddy looks like Jesus, maybe she’ll walk on water too! **


I think I might just hold off on buying one a little longer to find out…




 * Midwives measure babies growth at every appointment, from roughly 20 weeks. Bumps on average should measure a centimetre for each week of gestation. They allow a measurement of two centimetres either way, but obviously there are always exceptions to the rule. They chart growth this way until bubbas are born. The measurement is taken from the pubic bone to the top of the uterus (fundus).

I also learnt today that people with long torsos carry and show completely differently. Their bubbas often grow upwards first before growing outwards, having more room than people with shorter torsos meaning you don’t ‘look’ as big initially.  At the end of the day babies grow however they can, so unless you have a  medical condition, it’s rarely anything to worry about!

**Another irk.. comparing babies to deities.

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